Ahimsa And The Control Factor

Being married to a literalist Christian I feel the impulse to strangle him sometimes. I even blog about our mutual frustrations. (Managing Stress entry.) In some of the earlier days of our marriage it seems I swung wildly between wanting to scream at him or hug him and kiss him.

And other times I lie beside him and can literally feel the purity of his soul. I think to myself, "this is a bright spark" and can look far beyond the flaws we argue about so frequently.Words don't matter. Sometimes we coexist better in silence and facial expressions.

I had a roommate once who I honestly wanted to physically hurt in the morning. She'd let her snooze button go off like, oh... fifteen times... before getting up. The walls were thin. We worked different shifts. I was losing sleep. I finally lost my cool one morning and stormed into her bedroom, ripped out the alarm clock, opened up the window, and tossed it outside. Not my most shining moment, I admit. I could have handled that better.

My point is that I cannot control other people. I can only control me. But that also means that I should not feel badly for their rotten decisions or ignorant behavior. Overdraft your checking account? What do you want me to do- sit there for an hour while you rant and scream about the evil bank? ummm... no. I'm not a martyr and I won't sit passively and act like one. I can give you good advice, though, on how to not have it happen again. Then again, sometimes silence is golden. Letting other people work out their own problems is a good thing.

The Buddhist term "ahimsa" --to do no harm to a living creature-- applies not just to those times when we are contemplating going vegetarian or seeing someone neglect an animal. Ahimsa applies every single time we open our mouths. This Gandhian interpretation of ahimsa means being mindful of the result our words can have is one giant step toward gnosis. Why? Because if your eyes are truly open and so is your heart, you cannot in good conscience injure another being. In gnosis you see and feel that spiritual connection between you and the other person. Why would you injure yourself? Both you and the other person are part of the fabric of Pleroma. You are literally cut from the same cloth.

Still confused with the visualization?

Try this: imagine the irritating person in front of you as a younger and more immature version of yourself. You will be a lot less inclined to speak in anger. This younger and more immature version of yourself has not had the life experiences you have had yet; so how can you be boiling angry at simple inexperience? It's like screaming for a baby to shut up when all they want is to be held and fed. The baby is doing what he is meant to at that stage in his life. And so should you.

With gnosis and the concept of ahimsa physical age isn't a factor. An eighty year old could have the mental age and control of a ten year old.

Granted, there are times when it is essential to make your point and yeah, we're only human; we will fail at controlling our temper. It's going to happen. We're not Vulcans and we certainly don't have to act like we are. But slowing down, relaxing the muscles in our face, belly breathing, ..... all that... in those steps.. can make all the difference in the world in how you handle yourself when upset with something somebody did.

When dealing with a person who has bad habits, leaves you to clean up their messes, is irresponsible, and just plain doesn't seem to give a damn about anything you are not expected to just accept their bad behavior. The way I see it you really have three options. The third has interchangeable terms for obvious reasons, for all the different types of relationships which exist.

1. Get mad, yell, and forcefully try to change the person's behavior.
2. Detach and don't take it personally. Try logic and reasoning. If this doesn't work then you're left with option number three.
3. End the relationship/divorce/separate/move out and move on
   

A person only changes if they meet the two following requirements:

1. They have been convinced through logic and reasoning that it is within their best interest to change and
2. They want to change.
   

If those two requirements are not met then you're basically talking to a brick wall. Breathe and move on.


PS. Talking to your children about ahimsa works!! We have regular discussions about 'harmful things' we do or say to one another. You'd be surprised at the kinds of things children pick up on and will actually use if you remind them to.

Book Review

Is Religion Killing Us?
Violence in the Bible and the Quran
By: Jack Nelson-Pallmeyer

In attempting to write a complete review on this book I find that using short excerpts works far better in giving this author the praise he deserves for putting together such a robust array of information on his choice of topic. I cannot possibly improve upon what he has written. Ten out of ten stars! Kudos!

The chapter notes have proven to be an extraordinary find; a lot of new links to humanitarian organizations will be added to this blog's side column for you to browse as a result.

Thank You!!

Page 38

Superior violence inspires belief. "Israel saw the great work that the LORD did against the Egyptians. So the people feared the LORD and believed in the LORD and in his servant Moses."(Exodus 14:31). So strong was the connection between God and superior violence that the overwhelming definition of salvation in the Hebrew Scriptures is the defeat of armies.

Page 39:

... One point of undisputed agreement, unfortunately, is that God's overwhelming character is that of a violent, punishing, pathological Deity who uses unfathomable violence to both reward and punish, either within history or at history's end.

Page 60:

The presumption of God's punishment violence also lies at the heart of the Christian New Testament that claims Jesus as Savior and understands the death of Jesus to be an atoning sacrifice. From what, we should ask, does Jesus save us? The classic answer is that Jesus saves us from the consequence of our sins. God loved the world so much that God sent Jesus to die for us. Believe this and not be condemned(John 3:16-17).

Many Christians see in these words a gracious God who loves us enough to send his only son to die in our place so that we might avoid our deserved punishment, go to heaven instead of hell, and have eternal life. Brutal images of God remain hidden behind these rose-colored interpretations. If we believe that Jesus died for us so that we will not be condemned, then we should ask, "Condemned by whom?" The answer is, God.

.....The image of Yahweh is not loving or compassionate but violent and unpredictable. Offerings and sacrifices are human attempts to appease a wrathful deity, but success is by no means assured. Abel succeeds. Cain fails. The text doesn't say why. It gives the impression that God is violent, petty, arbitrary, and to be feared."

Toward the end of the book the author gives several examples of how active non-violence has proven time and time again to be a successful way to resist evil and gain justice for people. He tells of the Gandhian movement, Danish resistance to the Nazis, and others.

An Islamic follower of Gandhi named Badshah Khan, is known as the "greatest nonviolent soldier of Islam" and has made much ground in stemming the tide of violence within his religion. He did, in effect, create a new type of jihad: the nonviolent kind. Patience and righteousness are the only weapons used to broker peace.

Gene Sharp wrote,

"Although much effort has gone into increasing the efficiency of violent conflict, no comparable efforts have yet gone into making nonviolent actions more effective and hence more likely to be substituted for violence."

Several US Congressmen and Senators have attempted(and still are)to put together a "US Department of Peace," which would focus on nonmilitary peaceful conflict resolutions. So far there is no word on if or when its formation will ever be complete and members dispatched to aid our world.

The final word from the author is for us not to lose hope; to not despair in the violence we see and experience today. There are people who are practicing non-violent resolutions to local conflicts and are also trying to show their society's leaders how to do the same on a larger scale. Non-violence works miracles. If we make a stand within our own minds and hearts to commit to non-violence then we will be saved.

Buddhist concept of "ahimsa": To do no harm to living things.

Note: even the Buddhists have struggled with the inherent violence within their holy scriptures, the Bhagavad Gita, which is part of a larger work called the Mahabharata.