Friday, May 14, 2010

"Legion" Movie Review

Watching this movie last evening left me feeling a bit dazed. Boredom in the first half hour was soon replaced by picking my chin up off the floor and then laughing like a hyena. I couldn't help it. It was ridiculous.

In "Legion" we see literalist Christianity at it's very best: the premise that Jehovah has lost His faith in humanity and thus sends all his angels to Earth in order to exterminate us. The archangel Michael chops off his own wings, falls to Earth, and then tries to save us-- with machine guns! Gabriel is Jehovah's right hand of doom and sets out to follow God's orders. Oh and wait! There's an eight month pregnant woman who's child supposedly saves humanity simply by being born?

The loopholes in this plot are astounding. The rationalization is comical. So because Mommy agreed not to abort the baby said baby's birth somehow negates God's anger? Baby's birth "rewrites" history or some other such nonsense. How is it that God can't control some pesky sperm from fertilizing an egg, that's what I want to know. Isn't He this omniscient deity we've been told about in Sunday school? What happened to all His mystical, magical powers?

The first clue that something isn't quite right: A little old lady walks into a diner, sits down to eat a bloody(medium-rare my ass! This meat is bleeding like the Ganges after an Indian massacre.) steak and says to her pregnant waitress, "But honey, your baby is going to burn." Turns out this seemingly demonic granny with pointy teeth who crawls on the ceiling isn't so demonic after all. She's an ANGEL!! This is where the gnostic sadly lowers his/her head into their palm and sighs at the crazed imagination of Hollywood directors and producers.

The only part in this entire movie which was intellectually stimulating, or remotely redeeming, occurred at the very end right before Michael beats down Gabriel for the last time. Michael was supposedly killed already by Gabriel so imagine old Gabe's surprise when Mikey shows back up to save the day. Michael's response? "You gave Him what He wanted. I gave Him what He needed."

Hmm... now that did make me pause.

Long story short the demiurge threw a temper tantrum because humanity just couldn't play by His rules, He tries to exterminate us, and one of His own angels(Michael) has to teach Him that humanity is worth saving. What, is He still a toddler in need of a time out in the corner? Because that is exactly the rationalization the writers of this movie attempt to portray here: God is a spiteful and egotistical bastard who gives up on us when we decide we want to play by different rules. Toys break so you throw them out. Makes sense, yeah? To a THREE YEAR OLD!

Why are we worth saving? Because we love and are kind to each other even when we don't have a real reason to, even when there is nothing going right in our lives and we feel hopeless. We still love and have the capacity to love.

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