Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Managing Stress

Last night I dreamt I was talking to a therapist. This therapist alternated between asking me questions that a literalist Christian and a gnostic cleric would. Quite confusing for the patient! I answered honestly and with no reservations.

The ending epiphany was that although I went in to talk about managing stress I left(woke up) to discover that it was really my own choice in having that stress and some of the bodily pain which resulted from it.


The literalist asked me why I didn't call out to God to ease my pain and to take the burdens off my heart. I replied that I don't really think that's in his job description. I made every decision in my life which led up to where I am now. Why should he bail me out? I can't do that myself?

The gnostic cleric asked if I felt like an infatuated infant or an adolescent in my relationship with the All.
I replied that I don't need to be given a bottle anymore and don't feel the urge to run back to him the very instant things get rough so... an adolescent.

Does the comfort I receive from the All feel different now than in the beginning, the gnostic asked?
Yes. Does that bother me? No. In the beginning it was an all encompassing warmth, like honey seeping down between the joints of your bones, type of relief. Now it's a gentle pat on the shoulder and a kiss on the cheek. I don't feel the need for more.

When I feel frustrated with my husband/kids/family and want to lock myself in the closet and scream(and I do sometimes!) I do give in to tears. Crying does relieve the body of stress. And then I have to ask myself after this tidal wave of emotion leaves once again: why do I feel this stress? Why do I feel this angry? My conclusion has remained the same time and time again- I cannot control other people. But that means that I also should not feel badly for their rotten decisions or ignorant behavior.

This is harder than it sounds. My mantra lately has been, "Detach. Let them make their own mistakes. Back off." And this even goes for my husband. Just because you can do something for someone doesn't mean that you should. I can't fix everyone's boo-boos and I can't anticipate everyone's needs or desires. It's not my place to. If people don't fall they can't learn to get back up on their own.
I'm finding that letting go feels good. Sure the house is messier than it was before. Yes, the kid's homework isn't always done to perfection and their grades are falling. But letting someone realize how much more they are capable of doing on their own instead of being prodded along like a child is a priceless gift.

Sometimes doing less means getting more positive results for and from people you love.


4 comments:

Paul said...

Regarding the babysitting grownups and allowing kids to learn on their own ---AMEN SISTER. Regarding the therapist I'll have to come back when I have more time. I just wanted to let you know it sounds like you're on a good track. Check back soon, Paul

Angel said...

Thanks, Paul.

Knowing when to let go is a terrifying thing as a parent. As a wife? I'm still stuck trying to explain that one. Gimme another 20 years and I may have a handle on it. lol.

Paul said...

It has taken me a few days for my busyness to ease up. Regarding the therapist, I have often felt like God has given us intelligence and common sense. Wouldn't He let us figure things out for ourselves? It really bugs me when people say they always look to God to solve their problems. There have definitely been times when I haven't been able to solve a problem, called on God and the answer appears. When we are weak He is strong comes to mind. Maybe there are times when we just need to know He is there. Thanks for the dolphin video. My kids really enjoyed it also. Paul

Angel said...

Glad you have a bit more breathing room now, Paul. And thank you for coming back to expand upon your original comment.

I concur with your opinion about rationality and common sense. One hundred percent. I think the end result of this little equation is that, unfortunately, the people who do call on God to solve every little problem for them are so busy shutting their eyes and praying that they can't take a look around them to see what options they really have available. The answer could have been staring them in the face the entire time. To put it bluntly, I think it could be called a sort of addiction to tuning out. Or maybe just being in love with obliviousness. OR not wanting to take responsibility and pinning all their hopes on God's intervention.

Calling on God isn't bad. But it can be a real crutch when you pray to the Almighty to help you find your car in a parking lot. lol

A common theme among some lines of Christian thought is to "meet God half way." I can agree with that sentiment. But all too often there are religious people who rely on their crutch and don't know how to live with themselves.

"Maybe there are times when we just need to know He is there."

Absolutely!!!

When we have those times when we just can't quite feel that living, vibrating connection to His essence then the sense of isolation can create a dangerous situation. When we feel hopeless we open ourselves up to the very emotions that God doesn't want us to feel. Of course it is our right to explore those emotions to grow into a true adult, but He most definitely does not want us to suffer needlessly. Not when His arms are so big and opened so wide to receive us.

A little pain never killed anyone, though. We're a lot tougher than we give ourselves credit for.

And you're very welcome for the dolphin vid! I'm so glad I stumbled upon it when I did. I needed that smile and I'm sure others will appreciate it as well. Sometimes there's nothing better than a good "awww isn't that cute?" moment watching critters playing.