Repentance and Guilt

Guilt = self flagellation  

I've been reading the Songs of Solomon and contemplating the nature of dogmatic driven guilt which is hammered into the mind of every person within ear's reach of a fundamentalist church. 

Also, my own thirteen year old son inspired this post when he said Friday afternoon, "I wish I could just punch myself until I quit doing what I'm doing wrong!" He got a B on an Algebra quiz for criminey's sake. I asked what he thought beating himself up was going to accomplish and he said, "I'd wake up." That was an interesting response, and not one I was expecting. I told him that I'm not going to feed him coffee intravenously and maybe he just needed more sleep and/or to study a bit more. That didn't pacify him and he went off on a rant. Later, we read the following scripture together and talked about it.


Part of Song 11

"I threw off vanity and turned to my god,
and his bounty made me rich.
I threw off the madness of the earth;
I stripped that madness from me
and cast it away.

And the lord renewed me
in his raiment
and held me in his light.
From above he gave me uncorrupted ease,
and I was like land deep and happy in its orchards, 
and the lord was sun on the face of the land."

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My conclusion is this: Not for god's sake- but for YOUR sake... stop beating yourself up!

He knows you're going to falter in your resolutions to change(and you're not always going to remember precisely how to solve a quadratic equation by factoring every time you're asked to) and He knows the past deeds you regret and are still trying to come to terms with. He knows you're human. He knows. He knows. He knows. He knows ALL. So cast off the guilt and plant his happiness in your heart and soul. That's right where he belongs.

You can move forward, accepting your stumbles along the way. The Good God doesn't want you to feel heavy hearted if you've learned a lesson thoroughly. Shed your guilt. He's not going to beat you up like a boxer on the other side of a ring. He is not an opponent! He is our closest friend, our lover, our dearest everything. He's the pure gold fondant cake topper on the thickest fudge cake in the world, a la mode with Godiva icecream. He's fine caviar, baby. He knows he's the best of everything and makes no issue of hugging the bejesus out of you any time he feels like you might need it and sometimes just because he's thinking of you. He asks for very little in return.

The chains of dogmatic based guilt are heavy and only need to be worn as long as you need to. But growing past that stage is essential. That is what he asks of us.

Have you ever held a colicky baby? Or how about had a friend or loved one who constantly beat themselves up and had nothing else to say but, "You'll never believe how I screwed up now. You gotta help me dig myself out of this hole!" There's only ever going to be a steady stream of crying and unhappiness coming from those types of people, little or big. Victims. Victims of themselves, but victims nonetheless. Victims of their short sightedness and victims of the world itself.

Growing in gnosis means growing up, period. Holding the perpetually crying infant isn't fun. Don't get me wrong, he's not going to drop your or shake you because he's annoyed--(I don't think he gets annoyed)-- but try to see things from his perspective sometime. Like a parent with a whiny kid.

No human being is ever going to be 'good enough' to see god until they shed that guilt of simply being what we are-- human. 

Songs of Solomon, exerpt of Song11

Speaking waters came near my lip
from the vast fountain of the lord,
and I drank
and was drunk with the living waters
that never die,
and my drunkenness gave me knowledge.

I threw off vanity and turned to my god,
and his bounty made me rich.
I threw off the madness of the earth;
I stripped that madness from me
and cast it away,

and the lord renewed me
in his raiment
and held me in his light.
From above he gave me uncorrupt ease,
and I was like land deep and happy in its orchards,
and the lord was sun on the face of the land.

Songs of Solomon, Song 4

Make note of which words are not capitalized and also of line four, which speaks of the age of certain beings.

*****************

Oh my god, no one can seize your holy place
nor alter it, for no one has such power.
You designed your sanctuary before you drew the world.
What is older will not be undone by the younger.
You gave your heart to your believers, O lord,
and will not stumble or be fruitless.

One hour of your faith is more precious than all days and years.
Who can feel pain by wearing your grace?
Your seal is known. Creatures know it.
Archangels are robed in it.
You gave your fellowship. Not you, but we, were in need.
Distill your dews upon us.
Open your rich fountains and let milk and honey pour out.
You hold back nothing that you promise
and know the ends and give freely
so that you might withdraw and give us again.
You know all, god, and from the beginning fix order.
And you, O lord, make all things.

*****************

"What is older will not be undone by the younger."
So what the demiurge tries to do (persuade you away from looking deeper into yourself and instead fixating on His pointless rituals) will never sway pleroma from doing what he wishes, which is to draw you closer and teach you everything you could possibly wish. The arrogant son will not undue what the father is or has done, no matter how hard He tries to convince himself otherwise.

Want to test this out? Ask a preacher, chaplain, priest, rabbi, minister, or any other church cleric exactly why yoga or eastern meditation techniques are considered blasphemous. The answers you get will astound you. Probably make you develop a permanent eye twitch if you're especially sensitive. The resounding answer I have always gotten was, "keep your eyes on the Lord and you will not falter." Ask for clarification and they reply, "God already knows you. You don't have to look inside yourself any more." And then they generally repeat themselves, going in circles.

That's the nice version.

The not-so-nice version response is, "yoga is a path to Hell and damnation." Asking for further clarification on exactly how physical movement in certain combinations will send me to Hell I get a response of, "it opens you to the devil." And again, there is no clear answer given. Simply that I will go to Hell for doing a Downward Dog, Sun Salutation, or Balancing Stick pose. Even most modern clerics still believe that to do yoga requires you to swear faith to other gods, that Buddha is worshiped as a god, and that henna is the mark of the devil. Not true. Eastern mysticism is steeped in lore and therefore the stories are interpreted as metaphors for life and death, Buddha is simply a wise man, and henna is a purification/beautification ritual. A little bit of research would have made this all clear. But since research on such topics is taboo (lest the devil tempt you, of course) then such things will never be understood by such people. Like the Tree of Life in the garden of Eden, knowledge is EVIL!!!

Dogmatic church clerics typically have a more elaborate answer regarding why meditation is evil. "You'll be visited by demons and spirits who will try to sway you from the Lord." Then they yammer on and on about cults and their poison Kool-Aid drinking suicide pacts. My argument has always been, "If I'm looking inside myself and I see demons doesn't that mean I'm already damned? And what if I see something more beautiful than anything I've every seen anywhere else?" Frowns and then a confused blinking usually ensues. They don't get the connection. And they won't. They want to see us as sinners. It keeps them in their positions of power and influence.

Songs of Solomon, Song 3

I clothe his limbs and hang from them;
I hang from his limbs. He loves me.
How would I know how to love the lord
if he didn't love me?
And who can tell us about love?
Only one who is loved knows.
I love the beloved and my soul loves him,
and I am where he reposes
and will be no stranger, for he is not petty.
He is my high merciful lord.
I have gone to merge in him.
The lover has found the beloved,
and to love the son I become the son.

Who joins the eternal? the eternal,
and who delights in the living one lives.
Such is the lord's spirit.
It doesn't lie. It teaches us ways. Be wise,
understand, and keep your eyes open.

***************************

Did you noticed the theme of being an actual part of god in lines one and two? And then in line eleven "I have gone to merge in him." Not to merge with. To merge in. This implies that the two are really one already, merely separated for a short while.

The lover has found the beloved, (I have found my love.)
and to love the son I become the son. (and to understand/love/accept the demiurge's place in this world and to get closer to the All, the Song's author feels he must metaphysically take the place of the demiurge in god's eyes. Replace him/skip him. Like chess when you're taking a piece out of play. You're closer to your goal. Become the son, not merely the grandson.)

The whole 'skip the demiurge and come to papa' concept is a bit difficult to comprehend in the beginning. Gnostics have a tendency to wax poetic about this in such a way that while it flows beautifully from the lips- it's murder on your sense of direction. It's best to read verses a couple dozen times and then let them stew and simmer in the back of your mind for a good while.

"Who joins the eternal? the eternal"
Simply put: we are immortal sparks from the well of the good god. When we die we are going home.
"and will be no stranger, for he is not petty." In this case, ET can phone home whenever he/she wants. There's no mystery to it. Just pick up the receiver, sweetheart. The good god is about as talkative as a teenager given telephone privileges for the first time; he'll talk your ear off.